So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
