I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize