she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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