I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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