you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
