Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
