I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
