So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
