Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
