The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
