I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
