Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
