i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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