I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
