It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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