my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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