nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
