I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
