watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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