Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
