Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize