you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
