meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
