i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
