her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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