Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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