I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
