I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
