He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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