I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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