Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
