Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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