I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
