He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
