Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
