Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
