you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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