I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
