Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
