***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
