Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
