I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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