I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
