That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize