Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
