Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
