I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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