A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
