you have to choose: penises or morals?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
