Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i think i have herpe
just one?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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