Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
