I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
