You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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