walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
