I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
