everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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