I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
