Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
