3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
