Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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