I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
