I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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