i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
honey bunches of taint.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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