Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Porn is love you can see.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
