shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
