i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
