I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
