I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
