so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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