tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's shark week go big or go home
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
