Ambien. No doubt about it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
