tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
