Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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