pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
