will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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