You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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