Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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