Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
